**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
we're so committed to being not committed
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