May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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