u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
