Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
