I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
