M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
