its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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