I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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