WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
