I'll bet she douches with gravy.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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