well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
