How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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