Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
