If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
