just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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