Umm I'm too high to move.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize