I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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