guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
