there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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