we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
