it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
