Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
