"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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