If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
