I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
