Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
