The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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