I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He passed out mid-signature
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
