as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
