Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
