never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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