I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
