I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
