even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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