East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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