my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
