What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
