paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
did you just send me my own nude
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
