totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
