At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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