This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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