I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
