it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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