I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
