so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
