The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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