Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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