I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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