C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Everclear isn't food dammit
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
