Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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