Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
