honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
