Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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