this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
