i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
