Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
