I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
