Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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