If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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