Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
