I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
