forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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