I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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