I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
