We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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