John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
