I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
