I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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