I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
