party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
