i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
