The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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