Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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