I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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