Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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