On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Just puked most of my soul out..
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
