Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
